Success and Self Confidence
Most people think that success comes from having self confidence. I don’t think so. It comes from mastering the art of managing emotions for business and life Success. It’s doing things despite fear and a lack of confidence.
In most interviews I listen to of successful entrepreneurs. they all say the same thing – they struggled terribly with lack of self confidence.
You may know exactly what I am talking about.
I think back on my own journey
And, my struggles with not feeling good enough.
Although, I have always spoken the words – I am self confident.
Looking back, I’m not sure that this was true. I just used different words. Because I know for sure that “self worth” or being good enough was an ongoing struggle.
I had a lot of “mean girl” issues from 4th grade to 6th grade. A circle of 4 of us and one or two of us – mostly me and one other girl – where always the target of mainly the ring leader, and her side kick.
In 7th grade, when I moved on to Junior High School, I bolted from that group and made new friends. I stayed friends with those girls, but branched off with new kids that had moved in from other elementary schools.
That’s when I first learned how to move past fear. To do things regardless of the fear.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Focusing on Your Own Personal Best
My Trick for Dealing with Negative Emotions
My Mantra for Releasing the Negativity of Others
Minimizing Negative Emotions by Feeling “Ok” With Them
Managing Emotions in Business and Life Success
Welcome to the Street Smart Wealth Podcast, show #321. Click the icon, top left (right between to two title links) to open the player and listen in!
Now, I was truly blessed to have a solid safety net at home. I grew up with amazing parents, where I always felt loved, safe and that things would be okay.
And I get that not everyone has or had that. Some people were bullied and they had issues at home.
I don’t in anyway want to make light of that. It is the past. It’s okay to look to the past for how it can serve you in moving forward. Just don’t dwell there.
Until Facebook, and reconnecting with “the mean girls”, I had honestly put a lot of that aside and moved on.
I’ve learned a mantra that says – Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have to work with at the present moment.”
This releases us both.
I’ve released these people from my past and it feels so good.
Back to my early days and messaging I told myself.
My family was solid.
We were VERY middle class, and we didn’t eat out at fancy restaurants or take exotic vacations. Pizza Hut once a month was a treat.
But, I never lacked for anything. Certainly not a sense of belonging at home.
Belonging in the “outside” world was different
I think it was the “very middle class” status that created the drive in me to “have more.” I wanted fancy dinners and exotic vacations. I remember planning my future as a child and dreaming of living in California. From the cold mountain snow of Colorado. I made that happen as an adult.
I also wanted to belong. I began to seek out areas that I felt comfortable in. Most of us do.
I also began to do things early on that stretched my comfort zone.
I tried out for Cheerleader. I didn’t get picked the first year. I tried again, and did make it. I tried again the year after and didn’t make it. And, then made it my last 2 years in school.
I entered talent shows; ran for and was elected to Student Government. I was in the school play in Junior High. I took dance and twirling.
I was good enough and most things, but I was really driven for a long time to be the best.
As I matured in life and business,
I began to realize that “Best” doesn’t really describe anything
Best for me could be very different than best for you. And, vice versa.
I just had to grow to be confident in my own personal best. And, base my thoughts, feelings, actions and results around that.
You may have some things going on in your life that are creating the feeling of lack of confidence in you; feeling of unworthiness; of just not being good enough.
Over the years,
I developed a little trick for dealing with those negative feelings
I’m sharing it with you, in case it helps you as well.
Instead of pushing so hard to “get rid of the feelings”; try this. Just sit with the feeling for a minute. Be willing to experience what that feeling “feels” like now. In this moment. When it is not really happening.
When you are safe and can move out of that feeling when you want to.
Think about the feelings we most fear….
Failure, defeat, humiliation, social shame, embarrassment, being judged…
When you develop a practice of being in the moment with these emotions while they are not actually happening, you will find that a few things DO happen for you.
1. You realize that you can survive these feelings.
2. You realize that they are just that – FEELINGS. No other results or consequence need to come with those feelings.
3. Your self confidence is going to grow.
4. Your willingness to experience different things and sort through them will grow.
When we feel insecure or unsure of ourselves, it’s often because we fear the judgement of other people.
Is that the case with you?
We feel insecure because at some point in our lives, we experienced a (public) failure or a defeat of some kind.
Can you remember a time when this actually happened? Can you remember the complete experience and most specifically that you survived it? That you made it through? That you are here, right now, and you are okay!
What if you didn’t worry about judgement, failure, embarrassment or any of these other emotions? Would you go after more of what you want in your life?
Would you be willing to give it all 100% more of the time? Most of the time?
Why is it we spend so much time in fear of feeling these emotions?
What happens when we feel negative emotions
Really. WHAT HAPPENS?
Think about that for a minute and be honest with yourself.
The reality is, nothing really happens.
An emotion is just a vibration that we CHOOSE to feel for as long as we CHOOSE to feel it.
You are GREAT at many things.
What is one thing you are really great at? Or even just sort of great?
How do you feel…what is the EMOTION you feel when you are in that greatness?
Give yourself permission to feel that emotion. Savor that emotion.
Feel the self confidence that comes up when you do that? When you experience THAT emotion.
Here’s my challenge for you – go to THAT place…that FEELING more often.
Go to that feeling every day. And especially before you go to work in your business.
Emotions can’t harm you
They have no ability to affect you unless you allow them to.
I’m not going to say – STOP ALLOWING THAT – although I want to.
But, I get it. Easier said than done.
So, instead, just practice town things.
One, get into a feel good emotional place, from sometime in your past when you were soaring with feelings of success. Do this as many times a day as you can. Set a timer even.
I mean it – set a timer and do the work.
Two, when you feel a negative emotion coming up, don’t push it away. Invite it in; sit with it; and then shift to the positive emotion that you’ve experienced before.
Our goal is to move to a point of no longer fearing the feeling of negative emotion. That’s when it loses its grip on us.
When you feel something negative, remind yourself that the fear of the emotion is much worse than the experience itself.
Laugh at the negative emotion and then applaud yourself for how far you’ve come.
Emotions can’t harm us. They can sure stop us in our tracks until we learn to handle them; and to control them.
Practice being more kind to yourself
More supportive of yourself. More loving to yourself.
Have your own back!
Now, get out there and rock your day, rock your world, and make a difference for yourself and others!
I believe in you – you believe in you, too!
Remember this –
“Courage is not the absence of fear. More confidence creates the willingness to push through fear.”
Real confidence is when we choose those thoughts we think about ourselves, based on what WE want to believe and not as a result of other’s opinions or our results, even.
Never let failure…even massive failure define what you are capable of our cloud your ability to see yourself in a positive light.
Don’t question how great you are – just step into it!
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