Does Drama With Family Affect Your Holidays
I’m sharing some tools to assist you including – Getting Prepared and Ready to Position Yourself; Knowing Your Triggers and avoiding being triggered ; What to do if you came on too strong at first about your business; People Pleasing and Other People’s opinions; and The Smackdown, for those who just won’t let up!
How we show up in any situation is our choice. You can hope for others to be different. But the only thing we truly control is ourselves and our reactions.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Holiday Drama and Dealing With Difficult People
Getting Prepared and Ready to Position Yourself
Knowing Your Triggers and avoiding being triggered
What to do if you came on too strong at first
People Pleasing and Other People’s opinions
The Smackdown, for those who just won’t let up!
Welcome to the Street Smart Wealth Podcast, show #326. Click the icon, top left (right between to two title links) to open the player and listen in!
Holiday Drama and Dealing With Difficult People
The holidays can be challenging for anyone and when you have a business; when you are an entrepreneur; in direct sales, real estate or any business where you are LOOKING for business, it can get messy with family and friends. Am I right?
If you haven’t experienced this, AWESOME. If you have, then you are likely nodding in agreement.
First, Get Prepared and Be Ready to Position Yourself
Let’s start by remembering this – the past does not equal the future.
How we show up in any situation can be new and different each time. WE make the choice. You can hope for others to be different; someone in your family who always works on your last nerve.
But the only thing we truly control is ourselves and we can make the change to move beyond hope for another and embrace an outcome for ourselves.
There is power in breathing. So, remember that going into the bathroom and taking 10 deep breaths when you feel yourself getting triggered by someone can really be helpful!
Remember to breathe.
And, be prepared. Be ready to deal with any challenges knowing that they are just a situation, and something you can easily navigate through.
Be prepared with how you will handle each part of your time together, and know how you are going to position yourself!
Let’s Talk About Triggers
We all have them. Before your next family gathering, spend some time considering what has set you off in the past.
Write down your known triggers and then spend some time just allowing the feelings of WHY these trigger you to settle in. Why do you get triggered in these ways? What’s at the heart of it for you?
Where are you not emotionally strong at this point, in this area? What can you do to work on that?
You have a situation – state it. “Mary doesn’t support my business.”
What is the thought that comes up around that situation? I resent that she doesn’t support my business.
Feeling you choose to have – She thinks it’s a bad idea and doesn’t think I can succeed.
Action you take or not – I’m not going to talk about it in front of her or any of the family.
Results – I hide my business and nothing happens that’s positive with my family and my business.
What to Do if You Came on Too Strong
Now, a lot of times we have stress with our business and our family because of the way we handled it on the beginning. We may have approached people badly.
Maybe you Begged, coerced, hyped your offer – you know what I mean.
Maybe you used non-serving language instead of success language.
When we come AT people about our business, product or service or come on too strongly, there is a natural tendency to push back; avoid; or feel uncomfortable.
If this describes you in any way, please know that you have the ability to correct this through a simple acknowledgement and apology.
“Hey Mary, I wanted to apologize to you. When I launched my XYZ business, I was so excited about the products and the possibilities. In that excitement, I reached out to you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. I may have come across as pushy and salesy. That was not my intention and I apologize. I have grown so much through the process of launching and building my business and I now see how I mishandled that. Please accept my apology.”
That’s all you can do and in most cases, it will be fine and you’ll both move past it. Occasionally someone is stubborn but that is not about you. You are now absolved, ha!
If there are questions or lines of conversation you know will be uncomfortable, rehearse your answers ahead of time.
Be Prepared! Always
This is where your positioning is SO important! Make sure you have developed and rehearsed your Intro-Teaser.
If you don’t have the guide, get it at
Distance yourself if you must, and remember you can often disrupt their pattern by keeping your strength and posture and refusing to allow them to trigger you.
It happens to most of ups, someone close to us says or does something that brings us crashing to the ground from our high!
Could be as simple as a sentence, but it’s big when it hits you.
And, we all know if can be this closest to us that say or do it,
We can’t control that, but we can control our reaction, and the thoughts and feelings we CHOOSE to have. This takes work, but it works.
As Jim Rohn reminds us – You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” so if don’t like what’s happening, its time for an upgrade!
It says more about them than you. Know that for sure.
Boundaries – set clear boundaries, even if mostly for yourself. Again, reactions, thoughts and feelings are a choice. Limit your time and exposure to toxic people.
Not so easy during the holidays and especially with family, unless the drama gets really bad and then, you do have permission to say no.
Learn to change the conversation when it gets awkward and Inspire the conversation. Get them talking about themselves. People LOVE that!
Love them anyway, despite their challenges.
My Mantra – everyone is doing the best that they can with where they are and what they have to work with at this time.
Use CTFAR – or SBFAR – Situation (Circumstance), Belief (thought), feeling, action, result.
People Pleasing and the SmackDown
Approval and Rejection – some of us are people pleasers, and get way too caught up in other people’s opinions. Remember what I say –
“I get that you believe you know all about my business; but really, you don’t. You have made a judgement without knowing the facts. And, that’s okay, lots of people do. Here is the thing though – we can’t even have an honest conversation because of the pieces you don’t know. If you would be open to me sharing what my goals are; what I see in the business; who I am looking for as an ideal client, and how it works overall, then we can talk about your concerns. Are you open to that?”
And, be open about your product use, if you are in Direct Sales. When people ask how you are, include your business. Don’t go overboard, but share things.
Incentive trips won, new growth, a product you are in love with, without being too crazy; new listings and home sales; a new client you are seeing breakthroughs with, etc.
Debrief at the end of any event. Journal about it and get some closure any ensuring that your thoughts and feelings around it are in alignment with your goals and bigger vision.
When it’s all said and done, know that you are fine. And, in a good place. It’s okay to Be uncomfortable . Be willing to be uncomfortable.
You are growing, and adding to your life. That doesn’t make you more right or them wrong.
Just don’t let their opinions or your perception of those opinions rattle you or shake you loose from your goals, dreams and plans!
You got this!
At least until the next holiday!!!!
DIRECT SALES BUSINESS COACHING
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